Still me

I don't understand why people, women especially, want to use the excuse that having a baby changes everything.  That statement just isn't true.  Sure, it changes your sleep habits, drinking habits, and party habits but bottom line is that I am still the same person I was before my daughter was born.  I still hang out with friends, throw parties or BBQ's, I still travel, I still read, nothing is so dramatically different that I would use the statement that it "changes everything".  I just had to alter things a bit.

Okay, I will agree that I am even more interested in politics than I was before.  I am even more adamant about government staying out of my life.  It infuriates me to hear that some school (that I pay taxes for) thinks that my child needs to be taught every single detail about sex.  I'm pretty sure the basic where babies come from talk would be plenty.  It's factual, unbias and a basic fundamental of human anatomy.  Please leave the rest to me.  You see unlike many other parents I plan on actually parenting my children.  So back off!

For me having children or not having children was a win/win.  If I didn't have kids there would be nothing to hold me back from do the Halloween pub crawl downtown on Friday night.  My disposable income would be more so I could enjoy taking off for the weekend to visit old friends.  I could get on the back of the motorcycle and my husband and I could take a ride around the lake in the evening or go to a biker rally.

Having a child is wonderful too.  I want to show her everything so I find myself planning more outings, be it to the zoo, pumpkin patch, or state fair.  I actually get out and travel more.  It's something I truly love and I want to share my love of travel with her.  In her almost 14 months she has been to Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, South Dakota, North Dakota, Missouri, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, California, Manitoba, Ontario and had a layover in Colorado.  By next month she will have also gone to Italy, with layovers in Germany, Washington DC and Chicago.  This is how I like it.  We are always doing something.  She is always learning and I am able to still spend good quality time with her and get out and live also.

I do love that I get to watch someone experience life for the first time.   

Seeing Christmas lights in the park.

1st time at the zoo.  She saw a fish!

Seeing a bunny for the first time

Watching her first fireworks display.

Everywhere I go, she goes.  A lot of this is because we don't live near our families and also my husband is deployed now.  In the last 2 1/2 months I have had a baby sitter once and that was to go see Down.  Totally amazing, by the way. 

I was blessed that I didn't have to choose between a job and staying with my little cuteness.  She came with me to work from the time she was 7 weeks old until she was 8 1/2 months old.  Even though I enjoyed every minute - well most every minute - of it, it was time for her to be around other children.  I thought I was doing great by getting her together for play dates with other kids a couple times a week but I quickly discovered that for her, it was not enough.  She loves being around all the other children.  She loves her teachers.  She loves the attention.  She loves the activities.  Pretty much she has excelled in everything she has done since she has been there.  I couldn't ask for more.  All any parent wants is a happy, healthy, beautiful, smart baby. 

Back to my point.  I feel sorry for those women who have lost their identity in this thing called motherhood.  I guess as people get older they just lose themselves along the way.  No wonder the divorce rate is high.  I know plenty of people who get married and try to become what the other person wants them to be rather than who they really are.  It's as if they morph into one person and change so much that neither one recognizes the other.  It's worse for mothers.  I know SO many women who are so into mommy mode that they forget how to be a wife, a lover, a friend, their whole life is consumed by that child or children.

So how can one avoid the slow demise of Mommy Mode?  Here are my suggestions. 

• Make time for yourself.  Have something other than your child that makes you happy.  This can be a pet, a job, a past time, but something not child related.
• Have a baby free zone.  For me the clutter of bouncy toys, swings, and highchairs makes me feel like I am in a daycare so I made our bedroom a baby free zone.  It is really nice to not have toys all over my bedroom.
• Go out with your friends and even though your baby is perfect try not to talk about them all the time. (I have trouble with this.  I feel like I talk about her all the time, but I must be doing ok because I have people always telling me that they are so happy that I am still me even after the baby.)  I lose touch with more people once they have their babies just because they decide that its too hard to load up a baby with them everywhere they go.  Then there is also the mom's that I don't mind losing touch with because they are either obsessed with every aspect of their child's life or they are always dumping them off with other members of their families.  Why does it have to be one extreme or the other?  Why can't they just be themselves?
• Get your child on a schedule!  I can not stress enough how much that helps.  Then you know that if your baby goes to bed at 8 pm that you still have time to spend with your spouse or do chores or just to relax and you can plan accordingly.

Personally, I also believe that if you can avoid your child sleeping in bed with you it will save you all sorts of problems.  My daughter caught on real quick that when she is put in her crib that it is time to sleep.  We don't have meltdowns when it comes to bed time at night.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that parenting isn't that hard.  It seems to be the most natural thing in the world.  I'm sure I will regret these words when she turns 13 but as for now I expect meltdowns, I expect sickness and injuries.  It's just the way it is.  I'm going to keep doing what I am doing.  I'm going to expose her to as much as happiness and positive experiences as I possibly can and I'm going to do it while still living my life as well.